httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QX6RxjyRm7E

“I just finished reading another self-help book, doc, and I am nowhere further along than I was before I started reading it.”

Rita, not her real name, had just uttered what so many people discover about self-help books and CDs and DVDs. They expect that they will be changed people the moment they close the back cover of the book or listen to the last words of the CD. It usually doesn’t happen. Sometimes the authors and presenters of these products do not do the consumers any justice either, because they never say that change takes pace, patience and practice. In other words, changes usually do not take place over night.

Please do not get me wrong here. I am in the business of self-help or self-development too. So I need to be careful that I am not simply dispensing shelf-help as opposed to self-help. (Shelf-help means the books are read then they sit on shelves gathering dust for an indeterminate length of time.) I applaud the many folks who try to help others change their lives. It is not an easy task.

I asked Rita, “Now, how long have you been noticing that you wanted to change?”

She answered, “About 40 years.” That will give you the correct idea that she was in her 60s, grandmother of 7, mother of 3, wife to 1. (The need-of-change in her life will not be mentioned because it is irrelevant to this blog post.) I said, “Then how did you expect to change in reading one book that, say, took you 4 hours to complete?”

“Never thought of it that way.”  Most people have never been told that bad habits are not easy to break and may take long periods of pace, patience and practice to change. Let me explain for you now.

Pace: What else is going on in your life? Hundreds of things. Can you devote full time to the change you want? Probably not. Therefore, you have got to pace yourself. Just as a race horse jockey must pace the horse as it runs the track so it has some strength left to finish the race, so you have got to give yourself the luxury of pace in your life. Set a goal to change. But set it realistically – somewhere down the track.

Patience: I know you want this new and brilliant habit in your life today. What has been is so detestable that you want rid of it now. Even when a surgeon removes a growth from one’s body, the healing process after surgery is sometimes a lengthy one. (My back surgeon said to me “two years” before I was healed from the surgery. Incredible.) You have got to give yourself permission to take the time that is needed.

Practice: It has recently been put forward that to master anything, the violin, skiing, boxing, singing, being the Beatles, being Bill Gates, takes 10,000 hours of practice. This seems to be true for everyone about everything. In other words, you have got to be ready to invest many, many hours in changing. This is not a sentence as if you have committed a crime. Rather, it is the way things seems to be. Yes, truly, there have been a few quick fixes. But in 99% of the lives of humans, practice has got to be put in.

Do not see this a bleak and dreary picture. Do not defeat yourself before you get started. Give yourself the permission you need to change by allowing, I repeat, allowing yourself pace, patience and practice.

Rita let out a sigh of relief. She looked over her shoulder as she left the office and said, “I feel a lot better.”

And I invite you to feel a lot better about your life. Sign up for Free Instant Access to some of my Force-Source-Resources. Pick out the one that says “All The Best – You Deserve It,” or any or all of the other freebies. Remember, one bit of information can give you a superior point of activation. Just click here and you’ll be on your way. These resources will change your life.

httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79LTVUli5jU

Sanchez came through the office door. He was a migrant laborer who had been stopping and working every summer in the area for more years than I can remember. He came regularly to a coaching association I ran. We were acquainted but little more. As you can imagine his skin was deeply tanned and weathered from years of outdoors labor. He was cheerful and always pleasant. I was told he was a hard and dedicated worker, sending money home all the time.

“What’s up, amigo?” I said. Sanchez accepted my very poor Spanish with an indulgent half smile.

“Oh, God, I just want happiness in my life.” He came straight to his point. “I know happiness is there. But I can’t find it.” His English, on the other hand, was excellent. “Doc, it ought to be easy. I just want happiness in my life.”

We talked to see if there were any unusual impediments to Sanchez having happiness in his life. There were none that we could, together, discover. So, I got right done to business.

“Do you pray?” I asked him. Yes, I know this is a very personal question for a man. But there is no sense in beating around the bush if someone comes, male or female, for an answer. They don’t want a long series of sessions for psychoanalysis. (Nothing wrong with psychoanalysis.) They want to walk out of the office with a way to change their lives.

He told me he did pray, almost every day. I told him that he then had the beginnings of finding happiness in his life. He simply needed to turn the prayer time into rumination-time. (The term rumination-time caught his attention, as it was meant to.) He needed to start this time by saying just what he said to me, “God, I just want happiness in my life.” Then, as if praying, let his mind think about what happiness would mean in his life. (If you think this is a form a meditation, you are correct. But Sanchez didn’t need to be bothered with that idea.)

We tried it, silently, in the office. I had him ruminate for about 5 minutes. I asked him to gently come back into the room. “What happened?”

He said, “I found that I already had lots of happiness in my wife and kids. That my work was honorable. Just before you called me back, I realized I already had some happiness in my life. I just had not seen it before.”

I told him to do this kind of ruminating at least five times a week for at least five minutes each time. I reminded him that God was the one he was contacting. It was in God and through God that he would find his happiness.

Too simply? You tell me. It worked for Sanchez. I believe it will work for you.

And I invite you to pick up more info about your own happiness. Sign up for Free Instant Access to some of my Force-Source-Resources. Pick out the one that says “All The Best – You Deserve It,” or any or all of the other freebies. Remember, one bit of information can give you a superior point of activation.  Just click here and you’ll be on your way. These resources will change your life.

httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mywvrYoQ0I

Sitting in a doctor’s office, waiting for your appointment, can sometimes be very interesting. Of course, you can people-watch as long as you are not too obvious about it. But the conversations that arise are often the most interesting. All kinds of subjects come up and you get to hear what others are thinking, their prejudices, their fantasies, etc.

Being in the “happiness business,” the conversations that attract most of my attention are the ones about, you guessed it, happiness. Often the word “happiness” is not even used. But that’s what the conversation is about, really.

So and so did such and such and now I am broke. He lost every spare nickel we had playing poker with his buddies. Now we are broke. Did you hear that name and name is breaking up with her husband?  I feel and can’t get up anymore. This illness is making me so depressed. I wish there was a pill to simply cure it. I fell so useless when he leaves, even though he is 35 and ought to be on his own.

Now, to be sure, some happenings are truly painful. Divorce, illness, debt are some of those. But when people pin their happiness on these exterior events, they have misplaced their joy.

So many folks rely on external situations to define their happiness. Surely negative events can have a negative effect on us. But happiness does not come from the outside. When we give over control of our happiness to people and events outside ourselves, we miss the point of living free.

Who is it that controls your mind and spirit? Please, I humbly ask you to think well before you answer that question. You might be surprised at the percentage of people who think others have control of their spirits and minds. Sometimes religion even encourages people to think that someone evil has command.

But it is you who has power over your own thinking and being. Yes, others may well have some control over your finances, how you are treated in a health crisis, how you are cared for in a relationship, and so on. No one but you, however, has control over your thoughts.

You have got to take that responsibility yourself. The minute you give over control of your spirit to another, you have given up the right to your own happiness. Don’t do that. Claim your right to be happy, no matter what is happening outside of your thoughts and spirit.

Your life and your happiness are in your own hands. Work on your happiness and your life will follow. How do you gain control of your happiness? You talk to yourself; that’s one way. The internal conversation that you carry on with yourself determines how you see the world. If your internal conversation is negative, your world will be negative. When your internal conversation is positive, you internal life will be positive. Which means happy.

How do you get in on the interior chat? You listen. Yes, it’s that simple. Stop and listen. What are you saying to yourself? Damaging self-talk is, obviously, self-destructive. Favorable self talk is, obviously, self-constructive. Who tells you what to say to you? You do. You have your own happiness in your own hands.

Start right now, to monitor your self-talk. Take just 30 seconds when you finishing watching this video or reading the text, and listen to what you are saying about yourself. Be sure to complete that 30 second visit with yourself by saying something positive about you.

And I invite you to pick up more info about your own happiness. Sign up for Free Instant Access to some of my Force-Source-Resources. Pick out the one that says “All The Best – You Deserve It,” or any or all of the other freebies. Remember, one bit of information can give you a superior point of activation. Just click here and you’ll be on your way. These resources will change your life.