The Meaning of Life with Dr. Bob

Once again a great question concerning the meaning of life has come from one of our readers. The person asked: “Do I deserve to be forgiven for drug addiction that greatly hurt my parents?” My immediate and unqualified answer was, “Yes.”

Everyone deserves forgiveness. Why? Because everyone has made mistakes. Some mistakes are hurtful. Some not so much. None of us is perfect. We all need to be forgiven and deserve to be forgiven. If someone were perfect, never having made a mistake, never said or done something stupid, then perhaps that someone could pass judgment on another. However, even God, whom many people feel is Perfection, forgives. That is to say, from my perspective, what I know of as God is completely accepting. Forgiveness is a given in God’s life, both literally and figuratively.

I have come to know I deserve forgiveness for this reason. God accepts me as I am. This is the reason everyone else deserves forgiveness as well. God accepts you just as you are.

Forgiveness, then, works for the forgiven. Obviously, the burden of shame and guilt can be lifted from the shoulders of the person who has said or done something that was hurtful. (And believe me when I say that I know it is not always easy to forgive. Some things are done or said that cause irrevocable harm.) When a person apologizes for what was said or done, tries to make amends, attempts to never do it again, then forgiveness offers a way to recover the natural dignity that belongs to the offender. (This does not necessarily mean that punishment should not be meted out.)

Nor does it mean that the offense should be forgotten. To forget about something that could cause you harm again; it is a fool’s way to live. When forgiveness is given, then every attempt ought to be made to move on as if the offense is forgotten.

People often forget, however, what forgiveness does for the forgiver. It most definitely lightens his or her load as well. To bear a grudge, to carry around a grievance weighs down the soul. It literally puts up a blockage which restricts the free flow of God’s love. Now, I did not say that God stops loving. I said the flow of that love is restrained. The person doing the restraining is the non-forgiver. It’s like a blight upon the soul. It will actually eat away at the soul of the carrier. When the non-forgiver looks at the one who needs forgiveness, all that can be seen is that blight. This is self-inflicted misery. The wretchedness that one feels when one does not forgive is of the non-forgiving person’s own making. Spiritual homicide upon the one who need forgiveness and the one who is non-forgiving.

Thus, the person who caused hurt in their parents deserves to be forgiven for at least these two reasons; 1. All fall short of the glory of God in us; no one never makes a mistake. 2. Burdens on both sides of the forgiveness fence are lifted and cast away.

Do you know someone who needs forgiving? Try to forgive in this moment. Do it now.

Are you the one who needs forgiveness? Apologize, try to make amends, try never to commit the forgiveness-needing-act again. Do it now.

And I invite you to pick up more info about deservedness in your life. I ask to you sign up for Free Instant Access to some of my Force-Source-Resources. One of which is titled, “All the Best – You Deserve It.” Remember, one bit of information can give you a superior point of activation. Just click here and you’ll be on your way. (Or, if it appears there, please sign up now in the upper right hand corner.) These resources will change your life as you better understand the meaning of life.

Missing the meaning of life, to be happy, has something to do with the disguises we wear. These disguises are provided to us by our egos. The ego is afraid of many things. One of the important items it fears is that people will not like you unless you present yourself as something more, or other than, you really are. So the ego makes up false identities, disguises.

The body encased ego is governed by its own likes and dislikes. It dislikes being seen as something less than it wants by other people. So it prepares costumes for you to wear. It thinks that you are imperfect the way you are. Therefore, it must constantly reinvent you in the way it thinks the world will like. Like an actor who keeps all his old costumes because he just “knows” he’ll be called upon to play that role again.

But this costume changing keeps you on edge. What shall I wear next? What is the appropriate ensemble for the people I want to impress today? I must avoid the appearance of imperfection at all costs. What if they don’t like me?

Now, don’t get me wrong. We all want to be liked. But when we go out of our way to please others, we are missing the meaning of life within – to be happy. To be happy with oneself.

When you accept and know that your soul, the real you, is of the Divine Nature, you can become calm and relaxed. Your soul, your true self is an individual reflection of Divine Spirit. Therefore, your soul, the real you, is unassailably perfect. What? You ask, “I am perfect?”

“Yes,” I answer, “you are perfect in the core of you, the soul.” This body of ours will mess up. This ego we all carry around will cause us no end of trouble. But the real you, you at the soul-level, is forever and indestructibly perfect.

When you realize this and practice it, day and night, a calmness that passes all understanding comes over you. You still want to dress well, for example. But you no longer worry what others will think. You will say what you feel, for another example, in the most appropriate way, when you perceive it is right and good.

And the whole of human experience is accepted with composure and equanimity, without forming likes and dislikes as the ego would have them.

The appearance of imperfection will fall away from. For you will sense in your soul, that you are as God created you. Perfect. Yes, we all have

Get Them White So They Will Like Me

troubles and we get into trouble. But who we really are, inside, in the Spirit, is undisturbedly perfect.

What can you do with a perfect soul? You can feel better about yourself. You can feel at ease within your own skin. You can know that nothing can ever again agitate you out of who you really are. In short, you will have found, again, the meaning of life, to be happy.

And I invite you to understand still more about your perfect soul. I ask to you sign up for Free Instant Access to some of my Force-Source-Resources. One of which is titled, “How to Use the Spiritual Circuit to Be a Good Person.” Remember, one bit of information can save you a lifetime of frustration. These resources will change your life. Please sign up now in the upper right hand corner.

The meaning of life and detachment from all things and people has to do with Juan. Juan had just lost his mother to her passing from this earthly plane to that which follows. His was 26 and considered himself a tough guy. Tough, not in the sense of swagger, but in the way of having extricated himself from gang life when he was 20. He had spent 4 years in the army, seen a tour of duty in combat zone. He had survived and come home and found a job.

He had seen some of his buddies die in combat. Others wounded and maimed for life. He had had minor wounds, enough to earn a Purple Heart. But none of this had effected him as his mother’s death. He was broken up. He felt shattered. He cried a lot. Of course, this crying was mostly done in private. He did not want anyone to see him as a wimp.

However, he just could not get over his mother’s death. So he came to see me and asked if I could help. We talked for hours of his childhood and the fond memories he had of his mother. She was always there for him and his siblings. They were poor by many standards but, he said, he never felt deprived.  When he got into gang trouble, his mother worked tireless to help him free himself from the gang.

He was attached to his mother. And who would not be in his circumstances? Gently, over a few sessions together, I got him to see that his continuing pain was being caused by this attachment. He had to learn to let go. No he did not have to let go of the memories. He needed to cut lose from his attachments. While assuring him it was not the same thing, I asked him how it felt when he left the gang. I knew that the gang represented a father image for him. He said it was tough but the gang was bad and so leaving wasn’t too tough.

I mildly said that detaching from his mother’s life was similar. He did detach from the gang, though they had been a male-like refuge for him for 5 years. With a little added strength he could keep his mother’s memory alive within him, but detach from over-bonding with her.

He said, “You’re asking a very hard thing.” I said that, yes, I was. But if he wanted the pain to cease, or at least lessen over time, he needed this detachment.   And, with the passing of time and his spiritual effort, Juan came to let his mother go. He still honors her and keeps her memory. But his life is not centered around her and her life.

That’s the key. It is very difficult for folks to detach themselves from people and things. It is so hard because their lives have been centered on those people or things. The Buddha said all life is suffering. But suffering can end when we detach from people and things. It is one of the hardest task people face when seeking to reduce their suffering.
What can you do to day to begin to end your suffering? What person or thing do you need to detach from? Remember, you do not need to leave them or despise them or forget them. Do not need to sever your relationships with persons. But no one and no thing can be the center of your life, save your concentration on the Divine. When you make this part of your personality, your suffering will lessen and cease.

And I invite you to learn further about your life and your needs. I ask to you sign up for Free Instant Access to some of my Force-Source-Resources. One of which is titled, “How to Use the Spiritual Circuit to Be a Good Person.” Remember, one bit of information can save you a lifetime of frustration. These resources will change your life. Please sign up now in the upper right hand corner.