The Meaning of Life with Dr. Bob

One of the hardest things most people encounter is to simply accept things the way they are, whether that has to do with your own personal life or any other event or person in the wide world.

But it is well worth your while to accept. You will save yourself considerable emotional discomfort when you do. When you rail against reality it is like a great wave crashing against the headland rocks. Nothing really happens in perceptible time except sound and fury and wet spray.

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Important, too, is your acceptance of yourself as you are right now. It does not mean that you cannot think about improving if that is your desire. It means consenting to yourself, affirming yourself just as you are. You have no other in this moment and to be unaccepting of that self in this moment is to waste time, energy and emotional self-support.

Why do that to yourself?

Let’s look at it from this angle. Strip away all religious concepts from your thinking at the moment. Cast aside all societal and peer pressures. Just look at yourself as objectively as you can.

Now imagine that The Source of All There Is is regarding you as well. What does the Source think of you? When all conventional pressures are removed you know that you are accepted just as you are. No matter your condition or status as compared with any stricture outside entities may want to place upon you. In the sight of the Source you are accepted just as you are.

Why? Because you are part of the Source just as It is. Therefore, because the Source is all accepting, you are accepted. When you know yourself to be accepted by the Source just as you are, how can you not accept yourself? You must.

Let’s move on to events and people in the world around you. Do you have any real or direct control over anyone or anything else? No. Absolutely not. Then the best course of action or thought is simply to accept things and people the way they are.
Once again, it doesn’t mean that things and the life-situations of people cannot be improved. Perhaps they ought to be amended. But that does not need to put any pressure on you to change them. Change them if you want to, not because you have to.

Again, when you accept things the way they are, you allow yourself some emotional comfort. Emotional comfort is perfectly all right. When you are in discomfort you may be come irritable. When irritated you are in discomfort, obviously. When in discomfort you do not function optimally. Practically, then, you may get less done and change things less.

In others words, accept things the way they are and you will have a better chance of changing them. Acceptance is not weakness, it is a stance of strength. Accept acceptance as a way of life for yourself. You will be the better for it. Begin now.

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One Person Can Change The World

I have a friend who is a control freak. She has a sister who is an extreme control freak. They wish to dominate their world.

In their attempt to control their surroundings they miss the meaning of life and therefore happiness. We were together at a meeting recently. The sister could just not to let go of the opportunity to insert herself in the meeting’s conversation. The meeting was not about her personally. But she just had to ask a question that drew attention to herself, an unnecessary question.

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She felt she needed to assert dominance even in a meeting that had nothing to do with her personally. These two sisters do not understand that the only person one can control is one’s self. This type of person has a need to control their world.

The only person you can fully control is yourself. The only situation you can command is your own reaction to your life situation. And we all have difficulty in controlling ourselves and our reactions to life situations from time to time.

It’s sad that there are those who think they need to control others to harness their own lives. I understand the need. I worked in a profession for 40 years wherein I had little control over almost everything to do with that job. I spoke publicly every week. I never really knew how people who heard me would take my words.

I interacted with people individually and on committees regularly. I could say something that was totally innocent and yet the person hearing those words could take them in an exact opposite way and things could grow negative quite quickly.

Then, of course, I could say or do one thing and that would be reported forward to other people in other contexts and the interpretation could be skewed severely, either intentionally or not. In other words, I know where you are if you are feeling misunderstood and as if you have no control over the life situation you are facing.

I took up photography because I liked it and because in photography, especially if you make your own prints, you have complete control from beginning to end. In that hobby I felt as if I was my own master and consequences were of my own doing.

What’s the point of all this for meaning and happiness? You can be in control of meaning in your life. You can be in control of your own happiness. You do not need to depend upon what is happening around you. You need not be in control of other people whom you morally and literally cannot control anyway.

You cannot always control what happens to you. You can, however, learn to control how you react to what happens to you. You can learn to better influence future events in your life, as well, by the attitude you carry toward your life. In other words, you have more control in your life than you first thought.

How? Find meaning in attachment to The Source of All There Is. You find that attachment through some form of meditation – which you can completely control. You command how and when you will meditate. You dominate how well founded your linkage to the Source is.

In that connection to the Source, you will find complete acceptance – unconditional regard from the Source. Understanding, feeling and knowing this unconditional love is happiness, for there is no greater sense of well-being. This you can completely control. As you mature in meditation your command of the connection grows stronger and stronger. Your happiness grows stronger and bigger.

Your happiness grows so great that it permeates your life and, then, no matter what happens to you, or doesn’t happen, you are happy – in control of you.

You then have no need to attempt to control others. This will make you happier still because you are not trying to do something that is impossible. No need to attempt to absolutely control your life situation either. You can detach yourself from the outcomes of your life and living. You can drop the control freakiness.

Begin right now to release yourself from the sure-to-fail attempts at control of those things, events and people outside yourself. You’ll be happier and actually feel more in control than ever.

Email: drbob4u@gmail.com
Comments/Questions Welcomed.

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One Person Can Change The World

Rico came through my office door exclaiming, “What makes you so happy, Dr. Bob?” Then he sat down.

He was a little angry. I had something he wanted but couldn’t figure out how to get.

I smiled and said, “I’ve got connections.”

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Rico was in his mid-thirties. Though Rico is not his real name, he is Hispanic American. He had a good job and a very nice family. He and his family had been attending our caring community for over three years.

Rico said, “I want those same connections.” He spoke those words as if I were keeping something from him.

“Are you willing to work at them? They don’t come easy, although they are cheap.”

“You know I can work hard.”

“O.K. Here are the three of them: 1. A Connection with The Source of All There Is. 2. A connection with yourself. 3. A connection with others.”

He wasn’t expecting those. But then he leaned forward in his chair just a little, indicating his eagerness.

First, I began to explain, comes a connection with The Source of All There Is. Some call this Source God, but I often find that there is too much harmful baggage to unpack and discard with this word “God.” So I use a less familiar term – The Source of All There Is.

You get in touch with this Source through meditation or prayer. I stick closer to meditation as prayer also can have negative connotations for many folks. I told Rico he needed to develop a meditative life using one of the many forms of meditation.

What would that do for him? This connection would help him find the meaning of his life, which, I believe, is to be happy. You find happiness when you come to understand that The Source accepts you just as you are. Full acceptance and acceptance of your acceptance equals happiness.

You choose to be happy knowing you are accepted. Happiness here is defined as an excellent sense of well-being. Joy, on the other hand, is an emotion that erupts from external events. Happiness is a choice to feel a sense of well-being no matter what is happening in your external world.

This sense of well-being is developed and perpetuated through a connection with The Source of All There Is.

But you do not finished there. You go on to accept yourself just as you are. Yes, we can all improve. But we start just where we are right now. Rich or poor or in between; tall, short or medium; thin or heavy or in between; educated or not; family or single; all these, any of these is just the way you are right now. Accept that.

In other words, make a genuine affirming connection with yourself. Be aware of who you really are. As you are totally and unconditionally accepted by The Source, there is no need to look at yourself as anything else. No matter what you have done or not done, been or not been, said or not said, you affirm yourself just as you are.

Many people find themselves separated from themselves because they feel they are not as perfect as they are supposed to be. Nonsense. You are perfect just the way you are. Yes, improvements may need to be made. But as you are, right now, you are perfectly human.

These two: acceptance from The Source and affirmation of self, lead to a connection with others. Why? You need to express your acceptance and affirmation in the world around you as you interact with others.

Now that you know you are accepted by The Source and you have affirmed yourself, you can see that all others are in the same boat as you whether they realize it or not.

They need to know they are accepted by The Source. They need to know they can affirm themselves just as they are. One of the ways they can discover these is through your actions and words.

How? When you show compassion for others, you have demonstrated acceptance and affirmation. How many people need affirmation and acceptance? That’s right – everyone. You can be one of the instruments to help others. You share your happiness.

When you share it you reinforce happiness within yourself. You reinforce your connection to The Source. You reinforce your self-connection. You reinforce your connection with others as they respond positiviely to your kindness and compassion.

Rico said, “I can do that. I’ll start with the next person I meet.” We parted then but as I saw Rico frequently, he did seem much happier than before we talked together.

You can make these three connections as well. Start now.

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One Person Can Change The World

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