The Meaning of Life with Dr. Bob

Judy knocked on the door of my office. The door is usually open but had just finished a private counseling phone call. I had not yet gotten up to open the door.

She was a woman in her thirties, nicely dressed, hair in place and a smile on her face that did not reach her eyes. Something was up.

Remainder of the text, if you would rather read than watch, is immediately following this video pane (pain?):

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I invited her to sit down. When she was settled she came right to the point of her visit. “Dr. Bob, I just can’t understand what it means to be happy. I have all the best things, including a loving husband and three adorable kids. Even a dog and a cat. But I just don’t know happiness. Can you help me?”

“Judy,” I said, “I can help you define happiness. But you will have to do the work to capture it on your own. But let’s start with a definition.” I told her happiness comes in at least these 8 parts:

1. Connect with the Source of All That Is. Internally we all need to develop and maintain a connection with the Divine. We do this through meditation or prayer. Some time during the day make 5 or 10 minutes available for meditation. This connection with The Divine is the foundation upon which the other 7 principles are built. This alone will give your life meaning.

2. Accept yourself just as you. This is not difficult though many folks believe it is. All you need do is make the internal, spiritual and mental statement to the affect of this: “I am fine just as I am.” You see, anything only has the value you give it. Give yourself value now.

3. Rely only upon yourself for your happiness and meaning. So many people believe that outside things and people will bring them happiness. If they just acquire everything and everyone on their list, they feel they will be happy forever. That is just NOT true. Happiness is self-based and lasting happiness can only be self-based. Look only to yourself to fulfill yourself.

4. Know who you are. The same elements that make up all the stars in the Universe are within you. You are conscious of your own existence. Quantum physics suggests to us that not only have we the same chemicals in our bodies as do the stars, but also the Universe acts more like a Consciousness than like mindless ingredients. Can you see where I am going? Your physical and mental capacities match those of the Universe. What does that make you? A Universal entity. You are an offspring of the Universe. This is who you really are. Live up to it.

5. Know you are deserving. Many folks believe they do not deserve a good life, however they define the term “good.” But because you are an offspring of the Universe, you deserve whatever you legitimately desire. When you are willing to extend effort to achieve or acquire what you deserve, the Universe works with you to see that expectation fulfilled.

6. Hold a positive attitude. Nothing will destroy your internal happiness more quickly than a negative attitude. You see, a positive attitude is like the clothing of happiness. When you “wear garments” of positivity the Universe automatically stands with you. Why? Because the Universe’s attitude is positive – the Universe accepts all. When you wear the garments of negativity on your internal happiness, you are making a liar out of yourself.

7. Dwell on your strengths; improve your weakness. We all have strengths and weaknesses. And we all know this. Live from your strengths and you reinforce the feelings of happiness held within. Build up the weaknesses you have, to make them stronger. To make your weakness stronger gives great satisfaction. But spend more time with your strengths.

8. Help others. When you beam your happiness into the world to contribute to the well-being of others, you complete a circuit of happiness. You were knit yourself together as a child of the Universe. You have found the means to be happy within you. This is a beginning of a flow. But the flow is not complete until you give back. Then the current of the Universe can flow through you. Do not neglect this last piece of the happiness and meaning puzzle. You neglect it to your self-produced peril. You give back and life flows in its natural course. And, so to speak, you start again at the foundation of happiness within.

Judy absorbed this lengthy lecture on my part. She said, “Wew, that’s a lot to take in at one time. I need to come back and we need to go over this again.”

I said, “That’s fine. Why not work on being in touch with The Divine between now and when next we met?” She allowed that was fine with her.

Over the next several weeks, Judy came to have a new appreciation of herself and what her happiness and well-being meant.
Here is a reiteration for you:

1. Connect with The Source. (The foundation.)
2. Accept yourself just as you are.
3. Rely upon yourself for your happiness and meaning.
4. Know who you are.
5. Know you are deserving.
6. Hold a positive attitude.
7. Dwell on your strengths.
8. Help others.

Follow these and you secure your happiness no matter what is or is not happening in your life.

I invite you to claim your Free Instant Access to some of Dr. Bob’s Resources and a monthly newsletter: “The Force-Source-Resource.” You will find more about yourself and the meaning of your life. Just Click Here. Remember, one bit of information can give save you a lifetime of frustration.

Shirley came through the door of my office. It was early on in my career as a life coach (clergy). This was going to be one of first encounters with someone who was looking for happiness.

Shirley was in her late 30s at the time. Pleasantly dressed in a warm outfit as it was winter. She did not look or act depressed or anxious. I wondered what might be her concern. Nothing was obvious. We talked good-naturedly for a few minutes about the life coaching association (church) I headed. But no point to her visit was presenting itself. I finally needed to ask how I might be of help to her.

The remainder of the text for this blog follows immediately after the video pane (pain?)

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“Dr. Bob, I think I am happy. But … I am not sure I am happy enough.”

Now, there was a statement I did not see coming. Even the idea itself was new to me. I mean happy, but not happy enough. Most people, in my experience to that point in my career, were looking for happiness. They had no concerns about being happy enough. All I could do was sit and listen and try to maintain an intelligent look upon my face.

Shirley asked, “Do you know what I mean?” I told her, frankly, that I did not. She seemed to accept this answer as routine. “Well, it’s like I seem to sense that there can be more. Like I am missing something that is just out of reach because I can’t see it. Does that make sense?”

I assured her that feeling this way was normal for many people. They needed something more in their lives but were not sure what it was or where to find it. I knew this insight of mine was fine and true as far as it went. I was not sure within myself if I wasn’t slipping into water that was going to be over my head. But I ventured forth as inexperienced therapists might do when confronted with a never before discussed topic.

“What brings you the most happiness?” I asked. A shot in the dark.

“When I am giving to others and not expecting something in return,” she replied.

A light bulb of learning lit up in my head. “You are talking about love and compassion?” I asked.

“Those are the words,” she blurted. Then I could see the wheels turning in her head. “When I act in a loving way, being compassionate toward others, I feel the best about myself.”

“I think you just sighted those ‘out-of-reach’ things you mentioned. It seems to be human nature,” I said, “that when we give without expecting return, we are at our happiest. When we calculate what we might receive in return for a generous act, the process of happiness is somehow short-circuited within us. When we give of ourselves out of duty, instead of compassion, the experience is somehow empty.”

“So, by being loving and compassionate in every circumstance possible, I will achieve greater happiness?” she asked.

I answered in as wise a manner as I could, “I believe you have answered your own question very well.” (Such a newbie was I.)

Shirley left feeling as she had gained something. As I returned to my desk after seeing her to the office door, I reflected on what I had learned. 1. Sometimes the answer is within the question. 2. There may be different degrees of happiness. 3. Perhaps the greatest happiness we can find lies simply yet profoundly in our nature to be loving and compassionate. 4. It would seem that all persons in their right minds cherish love and compassion in others and in themselves above all else. 5. Following that insight then, your greatest happiness lies in love and compassion.

And I invite you to know a lot more about your life. Sign up for Free Instant Access to some of my Force-Source-Resources. Pick out the one that says Two Life Phrases for Self Development – “I Am My True Self” and “I Am Conscious” or any or all of the other freebies. Remember, one bit of information can give you a lifetime of self actualization. Just click here and you’ll be on your way. I believe these resources will change your life.

In their search for the meaning of life, to be happy, one of our blog readers asked this question: How to attract the best?

I am not sure they were talking about the best of humans or the best of everything. Fortunately, the principles I am about to reveal apply to both humans and other-than-humans.

Additional text follows after the video pane.

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This is not meant to be a flippant answer. To attract the best, you have got to be the best. I have seen it time and again in my 40 years as a full time life coach (clergy), people attract what and whom they want to attract. So, if they are not being authentic in their own selves and how they present themselves to the world, they will attract people who also inauthentic. People who are genuinely happy, attract others who are genuinely happy. Persons who are usually positive in their outlook on life, usually attract positive events and persons to their lives.

One caveat here. Some folks are looking for others to fill the gaps they feel in their lives. You need to be careful here. For example, if you are positive, someone who is negative but wishes to be positive could be attracted to you. You have to take the usual precautions when developing a relationship with anyone. Not everyone is as they seem, of course, on the surface.

First, find the best in yourself. By making constant, regular connection with The Source of All That Is, through meditation, find your own bliss within. Find the best within yourself. Cultivate that best until it permeates everything you do and are. You are not cultivating this to attract others. You are cultivating the best within you that you may be at your happiest. If you are seeking to be the best for others, you will still be their prisoner. You won’t be free to be who you really are. You cannot, then, ever be at your best. Be your best for yourself.

Second, when you have found who you really are and are happy within, OR while you developing happiness within and finding out who you really are, project or beam that bliss into the world. Send out good vibrations. Smile a lot. Be happy.  Act the way you really want to be.

Those people who are like you, will be attracted to you. “Birds of a feather flock together,” is a saying full of truth. It is something like taking a driving route to get to a certain destination, to switch metaphors mid-paragraph. Along the way on that route, others will join you who have the same goal. This way of being and doing will help you develop the kinds of relationships you really want.

And I invite you to know a lot more about being the best for yourself. Sign up for Free Instant Access to some of my Force-Source-Resources. Pick out the one that says Two Life Phrases for Self Development – “I Am My True Self” and “I Am Conscious” or any or all of the other freebies. Remember, one bit of information can give you a lifetime of self actualization. Just click here and you’ll be on your way. I believe these resources will change your life.