The Meaning of Life with Dr. Bob

Seth Godin nailed it [emphasis me]:

“The real problem when working with a consultant, a therapist, or a coach isn’t that we don’t know what to do. The real problem is that we don’t want to change our mind. It’s a skill, an attribute of those who are successful and happy. If you need a pro to help you, that’s great, but be clear with yourself that the goal isn’t to find a better path; it’s to find the bravery to change your mind.”

So many people want a better life for themselves that the self-help industry is big business. The proliferation of books, CDs, DVDs, courses, retreats, techniques, coaches and consultants seems to grow exponentially. I confess I am one who has added his thoughts to the struggle as well.

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Each of these coaches and DVDs promise directly or indirectly that life will be better for you if you follow their techniques and practices. Need a cure for your lack of self-confidence? Here’s the answer. Need relief from failed relationships? Here are proficiencies to help. Need to lose weight? I’ve got the solution.

If those don’t work, try another practice and another. So many folks have tried diet after diet. When the first regimen didn’t work or didn’t work for long, they tried another. There are always those who are willing to sell you the next-try. But it’s the same with self-confidence, for another example. You did not gain enough confidence or the confidence you did develop didn’t hold long enough, so you read another book to see if that way of developing confidence would work.

But you see, it takes a change of mind to get any other change within your life to occur. You remember the definition of insanity: Doing the same things over and over again expecting different results. Without a change of mind, nothing really changes in your life.

Two things: First, mind-change is possible. Those who study such things declare that the brain can actually rewire itself to make a change in itself and, therefore, in you. It has been shown that affirmations really do work over time. You can change your life by changing your mind by using affirmations on a regular and consistent basis.

So, mind-change is possible. But here is the second thing: It takes courage to change your mind. Your mind and therefore your life got to be the way they are over sneaky-time. I say sneaky-time because it first started when you were a child and your mind was being filled with all kinds of stuff, some positive and some negative.

At that young age you had no defenses against the negative stuff. You just absorbed it mentally and spiritually. You didn’t “need” courage because you didn’t know anything was being done to you in a destructive way. But all those negatives just piled up in your mental system until they were the overwhelming majority.

To further complicate matters, events like peer pressure in elementary and secondary school influenced your mind as well. But again, no one told you about the destructive mental conditioning you were picking up. You did not know it was happening, but it was.

Now, if you want to change, you have to face all the garbage that may reside in your mind. It is a daunting task, not for the faint of heart. Why? For just one reason – it looks like a mountain you not only have to climb by also dismantle stone by stone, basketful of dirt by basketful of detritus. Most quail before such a task.

Further, you have got to come to understand yourself. Most do not ever find the courage to look at themselves in their mental nakedness. You have to find, perceive and accept all your flaws and failings. That takes courage.

But to truly change and be happy, for example, you must summon up the courage and you must change your mind. Then you will truly and lastingly change your life for the better. Get to it.

Email: drbob4u@gmail.com
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One Person Can Change The World

Early Life Development

Self-esteem develops in early life based primarily on what your up-bringers raised you as. If they devalued you on a constant basis, you probably have low self-esteem. If they valued you on a consistent basis, you probably have high self-esteem.

Question?

The question for today is, if you feel you have low self-esteem how do you change  that? Self-esteem is foundational for emotional survival. Self-esteem is even essential when trying to find meaning and happiness. For without it a person may not believe that they deserve happiness and therefore never look for it. Life without self-esteem is vastly bitter.

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Definition

Self-esteem may be defined as valuing oneself. Everything only has the value you give it, including yourself. When you value yourself life is so much easier than when you do not.

Negative self-esteem is when you value yourself too lowly or not at all. Everything from (literally) addressing yourself in a mirror to feeling good about the way your life situation is going will be crippled by low self-esteem.

How To Change

You change your esteem level by changing your self-talk. You give yourself value, or not, by what you say about yourself to yourself. If you are constantly critically judging yourself as a failure or a screw up, you will feel badly about yourself. There will be a voice or voices in your head that act like cruel film critics. These voices are critical of your every move and word. They play you down as a mess-up about almost everything. They are usually left over from the way you were raised. If your care givers raised you in a critical manner – always characterizing your life as negative – you may hear those voices in your head. They complain about your every move.

You change by adopting and repeating positive ideas about yourself. Sure, we all have areas of our lives that could be improved. But we all also have areas where we are doing well, thank you. Whenever a negative voice begins in your head, stop it and substitute a positive word.

This takes time and awareness. Time because such a way of living as negative self-esteem is not overcome overnight. Change takes awareness because you need to listen to your inner talk and stop it and make corrections when that talk is negative.

Examine Your Life

If you are afraid you will miss something important about yourself or your behavior by not listening to the negative voices within you, stop and examine what is being said. This is part of awareness and it means you will examine what is being said to take valuable content from that awareness.

If you have made a mistake and the negative voice begins berating you, stop that voice and examine the complaint. Then you can take the lesson of the mistake and not make the same one again. In other words, you can grow from that experience.

But then replace the negative thought with a positive one. You do this by examining the negative thoughts for truth, extract the gold, then move on to a positive view of yourself. The first positive view you may have is to see that you have grown from your mistake.

Meaning and Happiness

When you have made the new habit of discovering the gold within you and your life through examination and repetition of positive thoughts about yourself, you can move closer to meaning and happiness. From awareness through connection to The All There Is, you find even more positivity. For in The All There Is is complete and utter acceptance of you just as you are. In other words, you are supremely valued just as you are.

This colossal acceptance is THE basis for happiness because there is no greater feeling of well-being than knowing you are accepted. Period. No matter what your inner negative voices have ever said about you, or how often they have said it, you can be happy because you are so highly valued by The All There Is.

It cannot be any other way because you are an individuation of The All There Is. The All There Is highly values Itself – the highest possible value. You might say there is no negativity in The All There Is so there can be no negativity in Its regard for you because you are a part of The All There Is.

There, then, you have the meaning of life which is to be happy. You get closer to this meaning and happiness when you develop healthy self-esteem within yourself by positive self-talk. Begin now.

This has been Dr Bob 4 U inviting you to buy my book Happiness — Inside and Out. Happiness is THE major pursuit of 99% of the humans on this planet. Everything you do is in pursuit of happiness. This book will help you find beginning the day you start to read it. But it today.
Paperback: http://www.createspace.com/3978120
Kindle Version: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B009AC62MO

Email: drbob4u@gmail.com
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One Person Can Change The World

“Basis for true change is freedom from negativity.” So said Eckert Tolle.

You Sought Change

Perhaps we all seek to change something about ourselves sometime in our life. Or, if you are like me, you have sought to change multiple times during your life time. I have found that I have been stymied in my efforts to change because something was holding me back.

Something Stood in the Way

I didn’t know what it was or why it was. Some impediment always seemed to stand in my way. Somewhere along the line I discovered I was stuck in negativity. I expected everything to turn out badly or wrongly.

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The only way I have found to change for myself is to eliminate the negatives, as much as is possible, from my life. The way I found to do away with those was to make a real and lasting connection with The All There Is, or Tathis, for short.

New Relationship

What did this relationship with Tathis do for me? It showed me I was completely accepted just as I am. Totally. Unconditionally. There is nothing I can do or say or think, or not do, say or think, that will severe that connection.

This acceptance implies no negativity. In other words, in my liaison with Tathis, in which is total acceptance, all negativity “goes away.” When negativity is gone, freedom is present. Then I am free to advance, or not, as I choose.

I am free to have LIFE show itself through me as well as possible. I am free to develop my life as I see fit. The very same with you – you are free to develop your life as you see fit – for you live in total freedom having found your total acceptance.

You Are Free To Change

Then, if you wish to change, you can do so because you are free. There is no negativity pressing on you to keep you from involving yourself in your own change.

Let’s take losing weight as an example. Many people find it difficult to lose weight because they are not happy with the way they are right now – overweight. They find themselves viewing themselves negatively. This viewing causes them to continue to overeat. Which, obviously, helps keep their weight on. It becomes a vicious cycle.

When, however, they discover they are fine just the way they are – yes, fine even if overweight – totally accepted by Tathis – they come to “see” themselves differently. They are free, then, of negativity, free to lose weight, or not, as they see fit. Most often this leads to weight loss and the keeping of that weight off.

How do I know this? I have experienced exactly this myself.

Not Easy

Losing weight is not easy … self-experience speaking here again. You have to work at it. You have to follow a program or schedule of some kind. It takes time.

Finding and keeping your freedom from negativity through acceptance is not easy either. But I guarantee it is not as difficult as dropping weight can be.

When you are free from negativity through a feeling of total acceptance from The All There Is, you can convey yourself more confidently and forcefully in your life. In other words, then you can change as you wish.

So, find your acceptance with Tathis. Replace negativity in your life. You can then more fully express Life with your life.

Get to it.

Email: drbob4u@gmail.com
Comments/Questions Welcomed.

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One Person Can Change The World