The Meaning of Life with Dr. Bob

She asked a question. Judy had just seated herself in one of the visitor’s chairs in my office. After the usual pleasantries, Judy asked this question. “What does it imply when I seek the meaning of life?”

I then used the cliched therapist’s return question, “Judy, what do you think it means?”

The rest of the written word of this blog follows immediately after this video pane (pain?).

“Well, I find that good things give my life a certain purpose. My husband and I set a goal of getting, say, a new couch. So we save for that item. Our kids get allowances so if they want something really special, they have to save for it. Sometimes we give them half to match their efforts. Sometimes they take on odd jobs around the neighborhood to earn the extra money needed. But once we acquire some thing, the goal has been fulfilled and meaning just runs out.”

I said, “No lasting meaning there, then?”

“Oh, it’s nice to have a new couch or whatever,” Judy said. “But the niceness stays in the object, but does not stay in me. It’s the same with my health. I have no problems to speak of, but even my health seems external to me. I mean, I exercise, watch my diet, avoid stress. You know. But that’s just for my body. I find it important but I do not see any meaning there.”

“So, physical things do not give lasting satisfaction?” I asked.

“No, and …” Judy hesitated, as if she just ran out of steam.

“I think you want to say more, but you are slightly afraid to. What is it you need to say?”

“Well, … okay. My husband I are still intimate quite regularly. I have also a nice circle of friends. We share feelings and sometimes secrets. But with all that closeness, I still sometimes feel empty. You know?”

“I think I am getting the picture,” I said. “There is more to life than intimacy.”

“Yes, and even in our coaching community, here, I feel very much a part of it but that only lasts hours after we go home. I find myself deep into spirituality when interacting in this gathering. But it doesn’t last. What’s wrong with me, Dr. Bob?”

“I don’t think there is anything wrong with you, Judy. As a matter of fact, I think you are quite normal. Only, you’ve been looking for the meaning of life in all the right but wrong places. I mean the things and events you mentioned are all good. They just don’t fulfill you like you want. Many, many people think they can find the meaning of their lives in good things, like a new sofa. Or they think they can find meaning through good health, or intimacy, or community, or even in spirituality. Obviously good health and the others are great to have and participate in. But most people do not find the meaning of their lives in any of these.”

“What’s the idea, then?” Judy asked.

“Meaning in life starts from the inside out. You see, you have been looking for meaning from the outside in. Even spirituality if kept as an outside achievement, still remains outside. For example, you can be very good at meditation, but if you view meditation as something you achieve rather than experience, you have missed the point. The point of meditation is to gain something internal. This is where you have missed the meaning you are looking for. Everything you have is good. But you need that inner connection with The Soul Of The Universe.”

“But I try,” Judy said. She was almost in tears.

“I know you do, as I have observed you over the years. I still remember the first time you and your husband brought your newborns to be with us in community. Both of you parents beamed with joy on those occasions.”

“But still something is missing,”Judy insisted.

“Yes, Judy, you have simply missed your inward link to The Soul.”

“How do I get that connection?”

“In meditation you find The Source.”

“But I do meditate,” Judy said, with a red flush to her face. Frustration I imagined.

“You’ve not done anything wrong. Let’s just do a meditation here and now to help.”

We went through a centering. Then a calming of the mind. Then I had Judy, entirely in her own spirit, imagine a connection of golden light between her and The Universal Consciousness. I only expected to have Judy experience a near to The Source bond. Few people feel a strong link that first try. So I hoped for a beginning where the person finds an actual nexus with The Divine. Just an opening.

The room grew very quiet as I got out of the way, so to speak, and let Judy have her experience without any outside distractions, including my words. After a time, I assured her that she could come back into the room when she was ready.

When she opened her eyes, I could see that something extraordinary had happened. Judy had the biggest smile on her face.

She said, “I felt it, I felt it. I felt The Soul. I have never felt It in that way before. Wow! That is meaning, … and happiness. Wow!”

Needless to say, Judy changed herself in that hour. She had found the true meaning of her life. When you connect with The Divine (whatever name you give it), as an internal reality, you have found the meaning of life, which is to be happy in a way that external things, no matter how good, cannot give.

This has been Dr Bob 4 U And I invite U to benefit even more through meaning in life by claiming your Free Instant Access to a Force-Source-Resource. Just Click Here.
   Remember, one bit of information can give you a lifetime of satisfaction.

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I was in a casual conversation with Jennifer. It was coffee hour after a meeting of my coaching community many years ago. People would gather into small groups, coffee and doughnut in hand, and pick up conversations that might last 3 to 5 minutes. Then they might drift to another impromptu group for a few more minutes.

Jennifer said that she had just missed a promotion at work and was kind of upset about that. I responded with sympathy and hope.

The rest of the text can be read immediately following this video pane.

“And I wanted to go on vacation, some place nice,” Jennifer said. “I’ll miss that because the promotion with its raise in pay is not coming through for me. And I am just going to have to make a new group of friends at work because I think someone of my old so-called friends let me down regarding this promotion. I just wanted to get to the next rung of our corporate ladder. Look’s like it’s going to take more time and work than I thought. I just want to be happy.”

In that single paragraph from Jennifer I spotted three things that make people think life is kind of a game. They think life is all about consuming, avoiding troublesome people and running up the corporate structure. Jumping up from level to level.

Please do not misunderstand me here. We all need to consume food to keep our bodies running. We all need to consume various sets of hardware like cars, houses, vacations. We all need to pick our friends with some care. Not everyone’s agenda is mild. And we all like to move ahead whether it be at work or with the team or moving into a new and better neighborhood. None of these things is bad or evil. These are not the makings of genuine happiness, however. They can lead us astray.

So, here are three tips to help you see that happiness is not a game. (I tried to offer them to Jennifer. She wasn’t buying that day.) So many folks think that life is about devouring everything possible. I am, for example, a self-made-victim of that idea. In other words, I am overweight because I thought I had to devour everything in sight. Happiness is not derived from consumption, whether that “ingestion” be of food, clothes, cars, liquor, partying, or sex, or whatever.

1. Happiness is about sharing from a stable core of values that one gets by being in contact with The Soul Of The Universe through meditation. Happiness is not about consumption.

Likewise, happiness is not about avoiding trouble. That trouble might come through the actions or words of other people.

Once again, do not misunderstand me. Keeping good company is essential to one’s well-being. But just by keeping congenial and honest folks within the realm of your life does not make you happy. There are persons who want to forward their own agendas at the expense of anyone who happens into their path. They are users. You need to stave off attempts by others when you discover you are being used or are going to be made subservient. You need to associate yourself with positive people who are open-spirited. By open-spirited I mean they are generous in nature. They are kind to others; they are caring of those around them – not just themselves. But good relatives and friends do not bring happiness

2. Happiness is about keeping company with The Soul Of The Universe. Make The Soul your most steadfast companion. Then no matter who presents themselves to you, you have a Companion who never fails.

We all want to climb to a higher level of living. But happiness is not about climbing to another ledge, one higher than the one you are standing on now. As always, please not do think that I am condemning ambition; I am not. One way to get through life well is to set goals for oneself and sincerely set out to achieve those goals. But there is no need to stress-out over reaching a new level. As long as you are working toward yours in a consistent and authentic way, more power to you. But achieving goals, while good, does not make for happiness. You have to know that The Soul Of The Universe does not have a timetable just for you and your accomplishments. In other words, whatever time you accomplish your goals, is time enough – just the right time – for The Soul.

3. Happiness is about the freedom to get things done at a pace that pleases you. The Soul recognizes the time when the achievement is accomplished as the correct time for that occurrence.

These are 3 tips to help you see that happiness is not some sort of game. Happiness can and ought to be an integral part of you life. You make it so by being in Contact with The Soul Of The Universe through meditation. And by treating your life as the genuine article, not some game that is played until someone wins. You win when happiness is truly and always part of your life.

This has been Dr Bob 4 U and I invite you to claim your Free Instant Access to some of Dr. Bob’s Resources and a free monthly newsletter: “The Force-Source-Resource.” You will find more about yourself and the meaning of your life. Just Click Here. Remember, one bit of information can give save you a lifetime of frustration.

My Vlog is: http://themeaningoflifewithdrbob.com/drbobslifephrases

Stan said, “I was in the neighborhood and I thought I’d stop by. Is this a good time?”

I’ll never know if Stan really just happened to be in the neighborhood. I never asked and I never will ask. But his visit to my office was something that needed to happen for both of us.

The rest of the text for this blog is immediately following this video pane.

httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J8aCOrhq8ec

Stan said as he seated himself in my visitor’s chair, “I have been trying to be happy as you have taught us, Dr. Bob. But I don’t always feel happy. I don’t always have a sense of joy. What am I doing wrong?”

This question drew me up short in my own thinking. I had not really given a lot of thought to the idea of how one is supposed to be after finding and maintaining happiness. I knew from my own life I was not always jumping for joy, though I held happiness within me at all times.

I said to Stan, “Happiness does not always make us feel happy. Happiness is more a state of well-being that we hold within us at all times. There are times when we deal with any number of circumstances that preclude our jumping for joy.”

You have seen people on TV who have won prizes of one kind or another and they literally “jump-for-joy.” They jump up and down and clap their hands. Big smiles on their faces. Maybe even tears of joy flowing from their eyes.

But what about other times when tears of a different sort stream from one’s eyes? Are we to be bubbling with ecstasy then? Suppose a dearly loved person has died, certainly it is in poor taste, at least, to be so overcome with bliss that we are all smiles and giggles. Suppose hundreds or thousands of people have lost their lives or their possessions in a severe disaster? Does being happy within rule out affinity or empathy?

That would be silly and rude. What then? The core still holds. But the external appearance is subdued. The internal central repository of your life is still balanced to be happy. But one can be, and might need to be, sad on the outside.

Here’s the deal. One can respond appropriately to outward circumstances while maintaining a happy inward source. The center of your life holds. Your trust and belief in The Soul Of The Universe remains. I needed to inwardly articulate that to myself. I had never done it before Stan came into my office. I explained to Stan what it meant to keep on trusting and believing his connection to The Soul Of The Universe.

Trust means you adhere to the fact that no matter the outward circumstances of your life, your connection to the Divine remains intact. It is a matter of believing it so. Belief is a matter of deliberate choice. “Keep on believing.”

So – you are sad when you feel sad or when sorrow is a true reflection of outward contexts. You stop and think seriously when serious thought is required. You do what needs doing. You be what needs being. You bubble with joy and bliss when that fits the situation you find yourself in.

Stan said, “That sure takes a load off my mind. I thought I had missed something. So as I remain in that ‘happy place’ within myself, I respond as is appropriate for the environment in which I find myself.”

“I’d say you’ve got it, Stan,” I said.

Remain trusting of the connection to The Divine you have developed from your time spent in meditation. Hard core certitude. Then you will able to deal with any situation appropriately and keep happiness as well.

As a matter of fact, in your every day life, you don’t have to be all smiles and giggles of joy. You can be who you are in relation to the contingencies of your life. Maybe you do not have an effervescent personality. You still can be happy inside always – no matter the life-condition facing you in any given moment.

I invite you to claim your Free Instant Access to some of Dr. Bob’s Resources and a monthly newsletter: “The Force-Source-Resource.” You will find more about yourself and the meaning of your life. Just Click Here. Remember, one bit of information can give save you a lifetime of frustration.