Pete came to me with a problem, he was having trouble discerning the meaning of life for himself. He had cleaned up his act. He was a womanizer and had gone through two marriages because he just could not stay out of other women’s beds. Through sheer will power, he stopped picking up strange woman. Even ceased going to the places where he usually made easy pick-ups.
But it wasn’t enough. He still felt miserable about himself. About his wrecked marriages and one child’s feeling, a child from his first marriage. He felt these great urges to conquer every beautiful woman he met. He wanted a real and lasting relationship with one woman, but knew he was not in any shape to find and keep such a relationship.
That’s when he came to me. He thought that as a life coach I might be able to help. I admit I was a bit overwhelmed with Pete’s situation. But he was so open and desperate that I thought we, together, might find a solution. He seemed to genuine want to change and truly find a path of redemption.
So, we began exploring. Was he neglected as a child? No. Was he abused? No. What was his mother like? Fine. How about his father? There he came to a “screeching halt.” I could see the light go on in Pete’s face. His father was a tyrant around the house, especially with Pete’s mother. He had to rule or he was not pleasant to be around, to say the least.
Pete looked at this long and hard. He found out, by himself as he sat with me in my office one day, that he believed his father was right. He held the belief that the man must rule over the woman. And the way he carried that belief out in his adult years was to seduce and conquer every woman he could. I asked, “Is this an appropriate belief to be held now?”
“Obviously not,” was his reply. Try to believe me when I say that you could actually see the relief drain away the tension from Pete’s body. A sea-change was visible, like the tide rapidly rolling out, in Pete’s entire demeanor. He leaned back in the chair in which he was seated and closed his eyes. Minutes went by. I finally asked, “Are you all right, Pete?”
He said, “I never knew I had that dogma within me and I never knew beliefs could hold so much power.”
“They have precisely the power we give them,” I said. “Unexamined beliefs can be the most powerful motivators in our lives, either for good or ill.”
“You got that right, doc,” Pete said.
“What you going to do?” I asked.
“I’m going to work to get that belief changed in my head,” he said.
“You know it won’t be exactly easy and it may take some time,” I said.
“Why is that, doc.?”
“Your mind has built a powerful habit and methods around that belief. They can be changed, erased, even. But you’ve got to put forth effort.”
“At this point I have felt so miserable for so long, I’m going to make the effort it needs,” said Pete.
Over the next couple of months Pete and I saw each other on a professional basis two or three more times. He was indeed up to the task of changing his belief. Two years later he met someone new. They dated for six or seven months, married, and 15 years later, they are still together and seem quite happy. Pete has made peace with his kid from the first marriage and they are adult friends now.
Belief is the most powerful motivation in a person’s life. If you are having trouble, still, within your life, maybe it is time to look at your beliefs.
By Ford http://www.flickr.com/photos/ford/ / CC BY 2.0
To be happy as the meaning of life is, obviously, relevant here.
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